Tuesday, October 24, 2006

The dice have been thrown

I’m kind of a bad blogger. I have a hard time getting motivated to post unless I have something deeply disturbing to write about. Or at least a little disturbing. There’s not much happening here. The days are creeping by and I’m still only 6 ½ weeks along. It feels like an eon… at least. Holy.

I decided to shake off the progesterone supplements on the advice of the RE. I kind of feel like, if this kid’s gonna get through then it’s gonna get through. I don’t feel like there’s much that I can do about it. I failed to mention that I took Prometrium during my second pregnancy and that baby died anyway. It didn’t have the decency to inform me before three weeks of deadness but oh well. Bygones.

So that experience did not inspire any confidence in progesterone supplementation. Thank you for your advice, Bri especially. We’re going to wing it. I am not going to have my progesterone tested again. Fancy doc’s assistant said they never test for that anyway because it isn’t predictive of outcome. File my scare under Classic Case of Too Much Information. Hopefully, I won’t be choking on those words next week during my 7 ½ week ultrasound.

The good news is that my three deadbabydisasters have helped me to any release any perception of control over this process. Oh and the doctor that did last week’s ultrasound, besides noting a fibroid and a funky looking left ovary that I should remind them to recheck next week, also said, not in so many words, that she thinks Rocket Man and I have a translocation in our chromosomes and we really should have that business mapped out.

She said that our possible translocation is likely why we’ve had two early miscarriages. Neither of those fetuses was sent for chromosomal testing or whatever it’s called. What is it called?. The first was just vacuumed out unceremoniously without the suggestion of testing. Being a deadbabyvirgin, I didn’t know to ask for it. The second was too dead by the time I had to wait five days for the worst D&C ever. There is no point in mapping our chromosomes now because the dice have already been thrown. So we wait.

More good news is that I started to feel sick a few days ago. Just a little sick but enough to remind that there is a better than average chance that my baby isn’t dead yet. I think it’s better than average. If it isn’t, then by all means don’t tell me.

Feeling sick also indicates a good chance of the baby being a girl. With my two boy pregnancies, I have had little or no nausea except when I’m really hungry or when I’m really hungry and I smell something funky. With the two girl pregnancies I have felt nausea that sometimes lasts all day and requires frequent consumption of Sto*ffer’s Fre*ch Bread Pizzas.

Through all of my pregnancies I have not vomited once. Six pregnancies and nary a dry heave. I am a lucky girl, save the three dead babies.

As far as the sickness being suggestive of a baby girl, at the merest notion of having another female child that could possibly be as big of a holy terror as my two-year-old daughter… at the very suggestion of that notion I will begin to quake in my boots at this very moment.

With many ounces of my being, I am truly and deeply afraid of having another girl. I was afraid of this before I had my daughter, the creature with possibly more attitude per pound than any other on the planet.

More on that later. Suffice it to say that my mother and I do not, nor have we ever, gotten along so well.



Blogger delphi said...

It sounds like you are handling things rather well, all considered.

Take care.

1:39 PM  
Blogger charlotte said...

Hey, mayhaps this is the wrong place to pose this question, but should S and I be concerned about the translocation stuff? Should we pay to have Rocket Man tested? Is he willing? What would we even test for?

Also, I trust that if you are indeed having another girl you will find the rightness in that.

Another also: having spent the weekend with you, I must say that all things onsidered you are handling this VERY well indeed.

9:17 PM  
Blogger ms.bri said...

The translocation thing usually has something to do with both people, I THINK. I could be wrong. But translocation is the thing that keeps happening with Julia at Here Be Hippogriffs - do you read that one? Linked from my blog. She has had 11 miscarriages. One live kid. The funniest kid ever. Sometimes we think we don't want to have a kid if it's not going to be as awesome as her kid. She's a "famous" blogger so I don't have any personal relationship with her other than jealousy (of her fame, not her translocation, duh) but I do read her because I just can never believe how they keep tying and also I love her kid. ANYWAY. She has that translocation thing and her archives would be a good place to learn some stuff, I am sure.

12:28 PM  
Blogger whatthef*ck said...

this is a good one. i took bri's advice and checked out julia's blog. like a complete f8cking moron, i commented to her, without knowing jackshit about her situation, except that she has had 11 miscarriages. i erroneously assumed, IN PRINT, that she must be one fertile woman to have gotten pregnant that many times.

then i looked briefly through her archives and read about at least one IVF. Holy humble pie. Way to make friends in the blogosphere. With a world famous blogger no less. I think I'll go watch some stupid TV so I can avoid further making an ass out of my self.

11:02 AM  
Anonymous jenny said...

whatthef*ck - i believe the deal with julia from here be hippogriffs is that they did IVF a time (or maybe 2) in order to do pre-implantion genetic diagnosis so they could attempt to avoid babies with the unbalanced translocation, but it didn't work and she miscarried anyway. I wouldn't worry about offending her, she has gotten pregnant the old fashioned way a bunch of times.

Translocations come from one parent, not both. They can be balanced or unbalanced - when they are balanced the baby is perfectly normal and healthy, when they are unbalanced the baby will not live. SO presumably you or your husband could have a balanced translocation and some of the babies your conceived had it unbalanced and so did not survive. Your doctor can test for this, but they are pretty uncommon.

1:01 PM  
Anonymous bri said...

Yeah, I think there have been many different ways and means of getting pregnant for her. I think the last one was a cancelled IVF cycle or something.

Thanks, Jenny, for explaining that thing. Much clearer now.

6:33 AM  

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