Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Time to get off the internet

UPDATE: I don't have any new information to report. I'm updating to say how frustrated I am with this situation. I've been considering getting on the message boards but I can't bring myself to go there. Maybe it's the atrocious spelling or maybe it's display names like "sweetluvinmama." I'm looking for advice or guidance or help or somebody to tell me that my doctor sounds a little crazy. Message boards and chat rooms are probably not going to help. I probably should be talking to medical professionals, but I don't have very many of them at my disposal. I left a message for my dear friend who is an ob/gyn so I will get another opinion from her. She tends to be very calm and generally advises that I have nothing to worry about.

Trouble is, I'M WORRIED, PEOPLE. I'M REALLY FUCKING WORRIED. I'VE BEEN THROUGH HELL ALREADY AND I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK. IF THIS BABY DIES I AM GOING TO LOSE MY FRIGGIN' MIND.

I'm not sure what I want. I don't know what I want from fancy doc. I think I want him to worry a little, mostly because if he isn't worried a little then what the hell is wrong with him? This guy does more cerclages than anybody else in the world. He is Mr. Cerclage. Is that somehow skewing his frame-of-reference in a way that I don't understand?

Trusting doctors is what got me into this mess to begin with. Maybe I will mention to fancy doc that I am considering getting a second opinion because I am concerned that he isn't being conservative enough. I think that I NEED to do that. Maybe he can consult with one of his more conservative partners. For chrissake, I've got a bootlace holding my cervix together, I've been having contractions for weeks, I've got pressure and discharge and now this positive fFN. When will this man worry? I KNOW he was wigging when my organs were failing in intensive care but for fuck's sake, is it going to take a disaster to get him concerned?

The thing is, fancy doc is a perinatologist. He is the high-risk guy who gets called in AFTER trouble starts. He does not do routine OB or GYN care. He is my OB ONLY because I left my doctor after the LC disaster and I didn't want to find somebody completely new so he took me on. I think I've hit upon the issue with him. He really is a problem-solver. He doesn't do problem-prevention, routinely. I had to remind them that I need to pee in a cup every visit. I need to find out when the glucose loading deal is so I can get that done. Oy.

If I had an OB/GYN, I would have that second opinion. Maybe it was an error in judgment to go just with fancy doc. I thought it would be better to have only one doctor handling my situation instead of two, one of whom would be a complete stranger to me. Where to go from here?

Bottom line: I am really worried. 24 weeks is the mere cusp of viability, a veritable NICU nightmare, if we're lucky. Good lord. This has been the longest 24 weeks of my life. I guess that could've gone without saying.

20 Comments:

Blogger delphi said...

No advice. Just moral support.

HUGS. -d

8:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

With my whole being I'm hoping for 16 more healthy pregnant weeks. I am sorry and sending you all my positive thoughts.

9:57 PM  
Blogger K77 said...

Is the universe ever going to give you a break? I hope you're in the false +ve group for the fFn. You just don't need any more crap. I'm sorry.

10:32 PM  
Blogger three minute palaver said...

oh crap. This really is bad. I am so very worried for you and the baby. I can't believe this is happening all over again to you. I really hope all this scary shit goes away asap and you and the baby settle down to another 15 weeks of cooking. I can't imagine how awful you feel right now, but I feel awful just thinking about what's going on with you. I hope you get an excellent 2nd opinion (one you can trust) and I hope it's not an infection or a placental problem and that the cerclage continues to do it's job for you. Thinking of you and wishing all this terrible news would disappear and that Fancy Dr would pull his head out of his ass and do something, anything, to make things right again.

12:21 AM  
Blogger Tamsin said...

I think that you really do need the second opinion of an OB/GYN; if nothing else it should at least help to put your mind slightly more, that all these horrible possibilities are being considered in terms of prevention. Clearly, you want/need to do anything that you can to keep that little girl in there, healthily, for as long as you possibly can.
Fancy doc just isn't helping on this front.

1:10 AM  
Blogger AJW5403 said...

Just catching up with you and I am so sorry you are having even more things to stress over. A bit of hope I know more then one person who got a +FFN and did not go into pre-term labor. Fingers crossed that is the case for you. I would go and get a reg. OB/Gyn just for a second opion to ease your mind. You are in my thoughts.

2:54 AM  
Blogger lagiulia said...

I'm really sorry this is happening. I would get a second op. from another peri, outside the practice if possible. If not possible, then at least inside. I'd also ask them to put you in the hospital (sorry, I know you don't want to go) so that they can measure your contractions (number per hour and intensity) via a monitor. And if resting makes you feel safe, then do it. Also, many doctors still do prescribe bedrest, even though it is controversial at this point. When I had a positive ffn, I was sent to the hospital for monitoring, and when they saw how many contractions I was having I was put on magnesium (I also had a shortened cervix at that point), and then sent home with more anticonraction drugs. I have no idea what your medical history/needs are, so I am not telling you this is right for you- just relating my experience, in case it helps your decision-making. I am thinking of you and hoping things will be okay.

6:02 AM  
Blogger Truck Driver Wife said...

No words.....just prayers

7:08 AM  
Blogger Aurelia said...

Second opinion sounds wonderful to me, and anything you can do to prevent labour from starting...progesterone shots, mag, anything. And just in case, steroid shots to mature the babies lungs.

Just in case...

7:14 AM  
Blogger Bri said...

Be forceful and get more opinions. Make them be conservative and overly safe. Tell them you want anything and everything done NOW. I hope your appointment is really soon. I am thinking of you a lot.

7:46 AM  
Anonymous Trista said...

Oh how frightening. I'm sending you white light and anti-contraction/anti-infection thoughts. Definitely get the second opinion from an ob/gyn experienced in working with high risk patients.

8:16 AM  
Blogger Kelsey said...

I've been a lurker for a week or so now, but I've been trying to catch up to where you are now.

I'm not sure why you're questioning yourself. After everything you've been through, wanting to be cautious is an understandable and entirely justified. Your a woman and you need to put that women's intuition to good use. If you think you should get a second opinion, get it. If you think you need to be taking it easy, do it.

My very best wishes are going out to you and I'm sending all of my positive energy your way. Good luck beautiful and keep up the good fight.

9:04 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

I came to your blog though another one and spent my entire lunch break reading all your back posts. It took me back to my own nightmare. I have lost 4-all girls.I also have nightmare stories about delivering a dead little girl. I ABSOLUTELY would get another doc on board, maybe even 2 more. The more informed you and they are, the better your chances are of maintaining a full term pregnancy. I went into labor at 24 weeks with son #2. I was put on total bedrest, lying on my left side, monitoring contractions, pushing fluids (but only allowed up for 5 minutes three times a day--try drinking gallons of water and only peeing that often!), was on 2 meds to slow/stop contractions-didnt work, and was in and out ofthe hospital because of hypertension etc. Anyway...at 38 weeks I was allowed up, and guess what~~The F*#king contractions stopped. They ended up having to induce me at 39 1/2 weeks. The only reason I told you all of this is to see that miracles do happen. Son #2 is now 16, healthy and wonderful. Now, quit reading all these comments and hit the phone and make an appointment with another group. If your primary is "offended" who the hell cares?!

10:07 AM  
Anonymous Calliope said...

fuck. this sucks so much!!!
I hope you can get some medical advice and soon.
Thinking of you.
xo

10:51 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

I think you need that second opinion. I also don't think your doctor is being very proactive with your care. Please Please consult an OBGYN and I'll be thinking of you tons.

11:09 AM  
Blogger Rosepetal said...

Oh, WTF, I am hoping and hoping that you and Sprout will be okay. I think you should get a 2nd opinion, I also think that you should call fancy doc and tell him what you've told us, about how extremely worrying this is for you and that you need him to explain why he isn't more concerned. You're not stupid, you are better off getting the full story from him than trying to piece it together from the internet.

Thinking of you WTF ((Hugs))

1:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am also 24 weeks tomorrow and I have an only surviving triplet, who was born at 24 weeks. He is doing great now, with the exception of speech and OT therapy. He is happy, healthy and all over the place.
I really understand your loss before having had my own and I have also been terrified this entire pregnancy. I had a cerclage put in at 12 weeks and I have had a constant discharge and several yeast infections since, but we have treated them all. I have searched message boards about the discharge but everything says call your doctor. He says it is old blood, but for the whole pregnancy? My doctor prescribes me an antibiotic (Z-pac) every month to keep away infection inside and I have been on weekly progesterone shots since the cerclage. I am feeling some braxton hicks, I think but mostly I think I feel them when I am low on fluids and my stomach is full or constipated.
My thoughts are with you. I am in your shoes too. I just would love to have a full term pregnancy. Heck, I have had a goal of 32 weeks all along.

5:14 PM  
Blogger ladybug said...

WTF,

i have no advice, except to follow your heart and your gut and be the squeaky-wheel until you feel you are being listened to and cared for and understood in your worries and concerns. given your history, your concerns are MORE than appropriate...

i am thinking of you so often, and keeping you and sprout in my prayers!

much love,
kip

7:11 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

It seems impossible and cruel that lighteneing can strike again. I am praying that you sirvive this latest drama (yet another) and go on to have a normal, healthy and longer pregnancy.

Do you take any reassurance from your blase doctor? I am sure he is a great doctor, and I am certain hehas seen these srot of dramas penty of times. I know it is a strecth, but maybe you can hold onto that hope and stay away from the message boards and the rest of the internet. You have enough to stress about, ley alone lovingbabymama's and happywife's posts on message boards.

And I don't care...bed rest and relaxing HAS to make a differnece. It just makes sense. It can't cure everything and fix everything but how can it NOT help in some way???

Hang in there and keep up posted.

7:15 AM  
Blogger Bri said...

So? What's up?

7:30 AM  

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