Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Exciting times in the stirrups

How is it possible to have exciting times in the stirrups? Before imaginations get carried away, let me tell you. Fancy doc comes in, we chat, he answers my questions, we go over our game plan and then I go in the stirrups. Time for a cervix check.

Fancy was literally knuckle-deep in my vagina, making those funny, cervix-assessing faces that he makes when, I shit you not, a screeching alarm comes on and a man’s voice enters the room via intercom, “This is the building manager. There is a fire emergency. You must evacuate the building immediately.”

Fancy is unimpressed and declares it to be a drill that doesn’t apply to us since he is currently “with a patient.” With a patient, I’ll say. He completes his face-making and pronounces my cervix to be “softish but good.” The building manager, having been charged with the safety of the occupants, is appropriately persistent comes back on and repeats, “This is a fire emergency. All occupants must evacuate the building immediately.”

Trusty assistant confirmed that the evacuation would be including us despite me being half-naked and spread-eagled. I pretty much thought, “Sweet Jesus, please let me put my clothes on. No way am I going outside in this oversized paper towel.” I threw my clothes on and off we went.

Trusty assistant was pretty put out that she had several pre-term, high-risk patients schlepping down the stairs, spilling onto the city streets. She was surprisingly protective of me and didn’t want me crossing the street to the official rendezvous location. She searched in vain for a place for me to sit.

A fire truck, the hook-and-ladder no less, came screaming up the one-way street. My son would’ve loved that. He wanted to come but had stayed home sick from a school so no dice.

Trusty continued to fret because it was windy and cold where we were standing. With fancy’s blessing, we trekked up a short hill to a sunny corner. We met up with Partner Doc. Fancy and Partner briefly discussed the funneling of my cervix in last week’s u/s. (Having just arrived back in town, Fancy obviously hadn’t had sufficient opportunity to catch up on things.)

Fancy and Partner apologized for the inconvenience. I assured them both that I had been looking forward to the outing and that, with the added bonus of a bonafide evacuation, my expectations had been wildly exceeded. I’m tellin’ you, thrills come cheaply when you live on your couch.

A third partner came over. We stood in the brilliant sunshine and speculated about whether or not the building would burn to the ground. I was feeling cute, despite my take-my-word-for-it-HAIRY legs, in a polka-dot tank top and a brown skirt that bordered on flouncy. I lamented to the trio of docs, “Crap. I’ve got three great medical minds stranded with me on a street corner and I already ran through my entire list of questions. I’ve got nothing.”

Then we were called back into the building and trusty shepherded me to the front of the crowd waiting like lemmings for the elevator. We got back just in time for my glucose-loaded blood to be drawn. Good times.

On to more serious matters, Fancy concurs with Partner that we have a relatively serious situation on our hands with the “softish” cervix that funnels during contractions. He suggested that I continue the full-time rest and abstain from outings for at least the next few weeks. We skipped the u/s and the fFN. We’re pretty much doing everything we can.

Next u/s on March 23, 28 weeks, 1 day.

Oh and he said my belly is measuring a week or two ahead of schedule. No surprise here. He also assured me that I shouldn’t go home and google hydroencephalitis.

All in all, it was a good day. My five-year-old son just came home from his first T-ball practice in an oversized jersey and a navy blue cap. He is looks beyond adorable and had a really great time at his first ever sports practice of any sort.

Opening day parade in two weeks. I will be there, resting on a lounge chair. No effin’ way am I missing seeing him in a parade. Word on the street is that T-ball is ALL about the parade and the uniform. I am inclined to agree already.


Blogger AJ said...

Sounds like an exciting visit! Glad things are semi-alright for now.

6:11 AM  
Anonymous calliope said...

holy shit! what a day.
I'm glad you got some excitement out of your day out. Standing on a hill with three vagina docs!! wow.
Suuuuuucks about the continued bed rest. Are you netflixing? Do you want movie recomendations??

6:23 AM  
Anonymous steph said...

Glad things are ok for now - sounds like you're in a good mood - keep it up!

8:35 AM  
Blogger Catherine said...

Is it wrong that I'm laughing?

Take care of yourself and that little bub. And enjoy the parade!

9:21 AM  
Blogger S&C said...

OMG what a visit! LMAO
Glad everything is OK. Take care of yourself and rest.

11:09 AM  
Blogger Rosepetal said...

Blimey! This seems like it came out of a dream - all quite surreal!

2:13 PM  
Blogger Michell said...

That does sound like a very exciting visit. I am continuing to send lots of thoughts your way that your little one stays put for a while still.

5:38 PM  
Blogger Emma's Mum said...

That sounded crazy! Hope you are doing ok today.....

11:57 AM  
Blogger spryngtree said...

Hang in there mama. Just a few more days til that next US. 28 weeks isn't far off. I did 6 months of bedrest, my sofa was my good friend and hated enemy :) Weeks 3-6 were the worst ones. After that it got easier...I got into a groove.

12:52 PM  
Anonymous jennifer said...

is it march 23rd yet???? How are you doing?

6:08 PM  

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