Wednesday, December 20, 2006


I have nothing to post about and no energy to come up with something. I have no news. My next doctor's appointment is next week on December 28th. I am worried all the time about coming down with a fever and then an infection that can't be treated. Basically my understanding is that if I get another infection there will be no way to save the baby.

I was thinking of asking my doctor if I could go in once a week, to their satellite office that is near my home, and do a heartrate check and a urine sample. But their local office is closing so I'd have to go into the city every week to do the heartrate/urine sample thing. I already go every two weeks for a cervix check.

My thinking was this: my neighbor is a doctor and she said that generally babies don't just up and die all of the sudden but rather that their heartrate first gets slow or fast and from that you can ge a clue about something going wrong. I took that to mean that maybe we could see from the heartrate if something like an infection is starting to brew and affect the baby. The urine sample could also provide a clue by checking my leukocytes to see if white cells are elevated which would be another clue about a brewing infection.

I really hate the idea that I can't know anything about what's going on in there and that an infection won't be obvious until it's too late. For clarification, the type of infection that I speak of is the kind that I got last time. It was in my amniotic fluid (it's called chorioamnionitis) and couldn't be treated because the antibiotics don't go through the placenta. It was too late anyway.

I got the infection because of the cerclage so naturally I worry that it could happen again. A cerclage at 13 weeks is safer than 19 weeks as far as infection is concerned but there is still a risk. I am putting acid jelly up myself every night to help keep the vagina more acidic and less hospitable to an infection. I am taking acidophilus. I am trying to avoid sugar although I am not sure if sugar actually does encourage infection.

Basically as December 28th (the day last year that I went into the hospital with a bad fever at 22 1/2 weeks) approaches, I am getting more worried and more depressed under the weight of it all. It came COMPLETELY out of the blue so it's hard to feel secure that this all won't go to shit in the space of time that it takes me to get a raging fever. I wish I could just get a fucking grip and enjoy the baby that is presumably trying to grow in there. But I'm still just miserable.

I guess I did have something to post about after all.

Oh and there's this; Does anybody have experience with renting a Doppler? Did having it do more harm than good? Did you nearly drive yourself crazy with it or was it helpful?


Anonymous bri said...

Oh, I am so sorry for the crazy-making suckitude of this, hon. As I was reading your post, though, I kept thinking "Why oh why oh why does this person not have a Doppler already?" I only know one person who had one (my twin mom friend LaGiulia) but I believe it kept her sane. I am relatively sure we will be getting one when it's feasible and keeping it until I feel movement. Hell, you are already going crazy worrying about it. I can't imagine that it would make the worry worse. Worst case scenario is you have trouble finding the heartbeat and cause a small panic. You are probably already having small panics, no? And then you would probably find it again and be able to end the panic, unlike now. Just my totally uneducated, totally haven't been there yet, totally assvice opinion.

7:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bri, u hit the nail on the head.

I was thinking the same thing.I know Baby's R Us sells the doppler. And I for one will be in the checkout line,lord willing,when we conceive again.

8:18 PM  
Anonymous Jennifer said...

I know you can rent dopplers online. I really want to get one, but my girlfriend is adamant that we not. She thinks it will make me even more insane and that I will be walking around all day with that doppler strapped to me. My friend used one and said it was terrifying sometimes becasue she couldn't find the heartbeat, like Bri said. Which makes sense, because my doctor has a hard enough time sometimes and she has a freaking sonogram guiding her! I also hear that sometimes you can pick up your own heart beat, which is confusing too. That said, I'd say get one! It can only help you....

4:07 AM  
Blogger Co said...

I am sorry you are worrying. It's so impossible not to worry given what you've been through.

Sending many good thoughts your way.

4:18 AM  
Blogger Married Lesbian Mom said...

We just recevived our rented Doppler from It is hospitak grade and works great. To tent it on a month to motng basis it is like $30. Yiou can even get one that records the heartbeat for you to save to your PC and then you can make a CD off of that. I recommend it. Good luck with everything.

7:34 AM  
Blogger delphi said...

Doppler - we rented one. Didn't use it much. We have used it more since we found out about the Babe's arrhytmia (basically to check if it was still there, which it is). It has saved my sanity a few time. I only ever use it when I feel movement, so that I don't have to worry about finding nothing.

I hope the stress subsides a little (but I doubt it - mine isn't).

Take care, and thanks for always leaving such empathetic comments for me. (hugs)

9:32 AM  
Blogger delphi said...

I'm an idiot. We didn't rent our Doppler - it was cheaper to buy it off of eBay. Duh. Why did I say rented? Brain fart.

9:33 AM  
Blogger Mama2BandT said...

Personally, we when were pg w/ our two we would doppler every few days (ours was free we just did it while we were at work-we're both ER nurses) and then stopped after i started feeling movement. I bought one at tar*get before I realized you could get hospital grade ones but never could get it to work(and I check fetal heart tones all the time at work)

12:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No idea about Dopplers I'm afraid. BTW absolutely no offence taken in your comment on my blog, you have your own hell right here with the dead babies. It sounds like you're pretty much living in terror, and I think I would be too. In other circumstances it might be strange to say this, but I really really really hope this baby lives.

12:03 AM  
Blogger AJW5403 said...

I rented a doppler and it did me so much more good then bad. I rented it from and I would use it once a day. Before I would go to bed at night I would do a quck check of baby's heart beat. That really helped me to be able to rest in peace at night. With me I did worse with out one this I did with one. I would suggest you getting one.

7:21 AM  

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