Friday, April 27, 2007

Contractions out the ass, literally

I’m not up for much typing because it annoys the shit out of me by making me more uncomfortable. Laying on my side twisted so I can type while a laptop lays on my belly. Everything annoys me lately.

My contractions have been getting worse and worse. They leave me short of breath and needing to try to breathe my way through them. I get REALLY hot and feel like ripping off my top. My uterus gets as hard as a cinder block. My lower back aches all the time and I often feel period-like cramping down low in the belly. The contractions are getting longer and more painful.

Last night I was up at 1, 1:30, 2, 2 something, 3, 3:30, 4, and so on. They weren’t super-frequent but they hurt a lot and they woke me up. At about 4, I stopped going back to sleep. Last night things were feeling pretty weird so I thought this might be it.

Turns out fancy doc is off today. Trusty assistant called back to say that he wants to put me on procardia to stop the contractions. I told her about my other symptoms and she was underwhelmed. She said she’d call in the prescription.

I googled procardia and it’s FDA schedule C and causes hideous problems in animal fetuses. The pharmacy cant get it anyway until Monday but it’s just as well because I’m not going to take it. I don’t feel comfortable starting a drug like that without discussing it first. With my doctor. It’s a blood pressure drug. How do they know that my contractions aren’t caused by a need for more blood in the uterus, placenta, baby, whatever. Lowering the blood flow? I’m no doctor but I am somewhat paranoid and screw that. And my blood pressure is on the low side to begin with.

I was annoyed that trusty didn’t want me to come in but I didnt push it because fancy isn’t even there. He knows what my cervix feels like and it didn’t seem worth it to drag ass into the city to see somebody else.

I am the little girl who cried contraction. And nobody is listening. Because, say it with me now… "if the contractions aren’t causing a change to the cervix, then they really dont fucking matter." They are wearing me out, night and day. That’s for fucking sure.

Walking around I feel like my water could break any minute. I feel the stitch. I feel like I am carrying a bowling ball around. Last night I felt something that felt like it could be the bag of waters pressing against me, way up near the cervix. Something leaked out of me, not a lot but enough to go through underwear and a skirt onto what I was sitting on. I feel little feet or hands, way down low. I feel the vibrations out the vagina. Oh yeah, forget to mention that when I have these contractions, I feel them reverberating straight down the vaginal canal and straight out my ass. It’s like my vaginal and ass canal seize up. Good times.

Sometimes I want to go into labor so a) I can get this over with and b) so I can say “I told you so, fucker.” How fucked up is that? I am ashamed to admit that and I dont really mean it but I cant stand this much longer.

Oh yeah and i didnt go to mommy and me with my daughter because i was feelin so awful. So my dad did the school drop off and then called to check in and then went without me. And for what? So i could get talk to trusty for 4 minutes about a prescription that i dont want.

A few times this week my daughter has stopped what she was doing and announced, "Mama I gonna tell you a secret." Then she ran over and pressed her cheek to my cheek (she doesnt understand exactly how secrets even work yet) and she whispered, "we going to go to side-by-side on friday." She is that happy and excited that I was planning to go with her. Three times this week she brought it up out of the blue. I thought about this after they went without me and I had another big, snotty, huge, cry. I thought about her nestling her little butt in my dads lap and not mine (in my lawnchair). She only says her name in the what's-your-name song when I'm with her. I thought about her not saying her name because I wasn't there. (she didnt say it). I cried and cried.

This whole thing really sucks a big one.


Blogger Carey said...

Damn...that does suck. All of it. I'm sorry you're having such a rough time... Your blog scares the hell out of me and what can happen in a pregnancy! I'm such a wuss. I hope the next few weeks pass quickly & without complications (or any new complications).

4:05 PM  
Blogger Michell said...

I'm sorry about all thats going on, you not feeling well etc. I understand what you mean about being afraid of using the procardia and while I am not trying to say anything to influence you one way or another (really I'm not) I have seen this drug prescribed a lot to slow down or stop labor in pregnant women. It can be toxic at high doses but it is a drug that is very commonly used. Whatever you decide, I hope that you are able to make it through the next few weeks as comfortably as possible. Take care.

5:31 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

This all must be so annoying to you, on 233 levels. When does Fancy come back? I think you should trust your instinct, and not some doctor who is just going to give you drugs to mask the symptoms.

The good news is, your baby is perfectly viable at this point. You've done a great job on bed rest and got SO far. You have been thru hell (and back) thru this pregnancy and others. I now the longer they stay in the better, but sometimes enough is enough. I wonder what Fancy would say. What is your next plan? When do you go back? The pain you are having sounds unbearable. I hope it gets better son.

7:10 PM  
Blogger lagiulia said...

Jennifer is right. Your baby is viable now. My guys were born at 34w 2d, and they were in the NICU a month, but that's unusual. They usually say maybe 2 weeks or so. I had increasingly bad and frequent contractions from 26w on, and I was given terbulatine. However, my docs took me off at 34 weeks because the risks outweighed the benefits, and 34 weeks is thought to be "golden." I went into labor about 24 hours after they took me off.
Seems to me your docs would want to have you in to check cervix (soft?), dilation, etc. Whatever happens, good luck! Sounds like you're in the home stretch.

4:58 PM  
Blogger bleu said...

water, water, water, vit c, water water water

did I mention water

vit c will strengthen the membranes
water is good anyway but may help slow the contractions

midwifes suggestions

you might also google natural, homeopathic and/or herbal remedies to slow it as an alternative to that drug, just a thought

you are in my thoughts

5:10 PM  

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