Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Off the ledge, again

Okay, okay I’m back. Sanity and equilibrium have been restored. Two nights of sleep helps also. A good talk with Charlotte (at dosmamas) and a heart-to-heart with fancy doc and we’re back in business.

Let’s just say I was sleep-deprived for one. Waking up at 1 with really painful contractions that kept me up, panting, worrying, experiencing aftershocks, having more contractions really sucked. I would stay up til 5 or so, read myself back to sleep and then get some rest until 8 or so, in between more contractions. I seriously felt like I was in early labor, FOR DAYS. My lower back hurt, I had period-like cramps, I could barely walk around without staggering. It wasn’t pretty. Still isn’t actually.

I saw fancy doc on Monday. The non-stress test nurse confirmed that nighttime is, inexplicably, the worst time for contractions in women trying to hold off pre-term labor.

Not sleeping was making everything worse. That’s when I started to think, “let’s just have the baby already because I’ll get more sleep with a newborn and I wont be in so much pain, even with a c-section recovery."

After seeing fancy doc on Monday, I was convinced that I should take the procardia and I have had two decent sleeps. Ahhhh.

The procardia doesn’t seem to have much effect on my daytime contractions and I am still REALLY uncomfortable when I’m up and around. Maybe it takes a day or so to have an effect. At least it is helping at night.

In bigger news, WE HAVE A DELIVERY DATE!! If not sooner, then on Tuesday May 29th our daughter will be delivered by C-section, no doubt sometime in the morning. The baby will be 38 weeks minus two days. Fancy doc will do the delivery and leave, two days later, for wherever the hell he is going.

It really helps me to have an end in sight and a date on the calendar. Our previous plan was a little too uncertain. So on Friday May 25th we’ll do an amnio to check lung maturity. Fingers crossed for that. The baby will be 37 weeks, 1 day so hopefully her lungs will look ready.

The delivery is 27 days away. I can deal with 27 days. I can’t deal with "maybe we'll do it, maybe not, maybe a doctor I’ve never met will do it while fancy is away." True, the lungs might be ready but for now I’ll just believe that they will be.

I had another non-stress test and my traitor uterus produced one contraction. I had them constantly after I stood up and walked out of his office. Figures. Fancy did get to feel one and I at least got to here him say, “Yep. That’s a contraction.” As if.

Fancy believes that I am contracting like crazy. I think that’s why he agreed to schedule the delivery. Upon examination, my cervix still feels good. I am finally realizing that my cervix, despite how damn uncomfortable it feels to me, is going to continue to feel good to him until I am actually in labor. I have ceased to expect that he will ever frown and say “hmm” or anything like that. That stitch is so strong and it apparently is no match for even my worst contractions.

What else? Charlotte was able to remind me how much I don’t want to have my baby go straight to the NICU after her birth and that I don’t want to have to visit her there or bring her brother and sister in there and have to leave the hospital without her. After all of this, I at least want her to go straight to her daddy’s arms and then to me in the recovery room. I lost sight of that goal and I’ve got it back thankfully. I know how sad and disappointed I’d be with a stay in the NICU especially if I’d given up trying to avoid it.

I am just now wondering if she might have to go to the NICU at 37 weeks, 5 days. Hmm.

I’ve been so damn uncomfortable that my weekly outings are not much fun. I skipped last week’s preschool drop-off and mommy-and-me because I just didn’t have the strength or energy. I did go to a tball game but was really uncomfortable even in my stupid-ass lawnchair.
My outings, and the promise of future outings, were what was keeping me going. Getting off bedrest and being out and about was one of the carrots dangling in front of me. I was living for it actually. For that and a live baby.

Hopefully with some good sleeps and reduced contractions, I’ll be able to get up and out a little and celebrate the end of a LONG road. I had a beautiful shower with wonderful friends, I have incredible pictures of me and my big belly with my kids, I have some fond memories of my kids “playing” with their sister. I have a very busy little girl living inside of me who does not like having a laptop resting on her. Hopefully I can add a few more pleasant pregnant experiences and then be done with pregnancy FOREVER.

There are a few end-of-the-school-year festivities that I’d like to make it to. On Friday, my son will literally dance around a maypole with a bunch of other little people and then we will picnic. Can’t miss that. Next weekend is the preschool auction, the event of the year. I’ve been hoping to make it to that. There’s a beach day the week after. Not sure how I would traverse a sandy beach in this condition but some facetime with the big blue would do wonders for my frame-of-mind.

Then there will be my son’s “celebration” at school where he crosses the rainbow bridge, a metaphor for giving up his angel wings and choosing to be born to us. Oh jesus, crying already. Must not miss that. Actually it would be rescheduled if need be. There’s no way I’ll miss that if they have to wheel me in there on a stretcher.

So lots to look forward to in the next few weeks. And we have to get ready for the baby. Time to wash some tiny clothes. Holy crap, we’re havin’ a baby.


Blogger infertilepediatrician said...

Congratulations on setting a date!!! Wow, May 29th seems so close.

BTW - I'm confused about your son's school celebration and giving up his wings and choosing to be born to you? Is this a religious ceremony? Just curious and never heard of this type of ceremony before.

10:47 AM  
Blogger whatthef*ck said...

infertped- its a waldorf thing. sounds heavy but its really not. but it does make me cry like a schoolgirl.

12:05 PM  
Blogger delphi said...

I had BB at 37 wks, 3 days. For some reason, where I live, 37 weeks is considered term. I didn't even have an amnio. Sure, there was some discussion because our neonatal unit was full. But no one ever even mentioned having an amnio to check for maturity. They just went ahead with the induction. He came out screaming and has been perfectly healthy ever since. I know that isn't always the case, but 38 weeks less a day sounds pretty good to me!

I am glad you have a date! And are feeling like you are off the ledge - that's awesome.

12:11 PM  
Anonymous steph said...

Glad to hear you sounding happy!! That date will be here in no time!! Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

12:15 PM  
Anonymous Trista said...

Julia was born at 37 weeks and some change. Totally fine. Small, but fine. She did get jaundice, though, but her lungs and suck were strong. Here in UT 37 weeks is considered full term and our doctor had Kristin induced because of BP without worrying about lungs or anything or giving her steroid shots. (she was seeing a fancy doc of our own). Just as a reassurance to you.

3:01 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

hi wtf,
my water broke at 37w5d and my daughter was just fine-- she had a little jaundice, but that's all. no one ever mentioned to me that she was considered early or at risk for any particular related issues. as delphi said, they considered her full-term.
good luck!

3:21 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

I had my daughter at 37 weeks and 1 day. She was tiny because of my placenta previa (4lb 10oz) But never required breathing assistance and aced her apgars with an 8/9. I feel sure your little one will do WONDERFULLY and I am so excited to hear about her safe arrival!

3:40 PM  
Anonymous nycphoenix said...

woo hooo for the date. So happy for you!

5:59 PM  
Anonymous gypsygrrl said...


been reading and thinking of you, tho i havent been commenting...i am still here. i love the descriptions of little sprout as a wildcat thrashing about when the laptop is on HER tummy ;) she sounds like a feisty little chick, and thats awesome!

keeping you in prayers until the birth-day!

god bless & love,
gypsy grrl

7:30 PM  
Blogger Michell said...

I know the hospital I worked at considered 37 weeks term also. Having a date set sounds fantastic and it really does sound like it's so close. Congrats and I'm glad the contractions have let up enough so you can sleep.

8:04 PM  
Blogger CappyPrincess said...

Before you know it you'll be counting how many days/weeks/months old she is instead of how many days until she gets here!

You've got prayers coming from all sorts of places that all will be well.

8:56 PM  
Anonymous vee said...

Having a date must be blessed releif - you can tick off the days and see it getting closer. Hoping it passes swiftly for you.

2:45 AM  
Blogger lagiulia said...

I'm really glad that things are okay. I totally understand how stressful it can be when you've been on bedrest for weeks and weeks and the contractions are painful. It just seems like the baby wants out, but it's not time. Sounds like you are coping, though. Day by day...

Take care!

7:25 AM  
Blogger niobe said...

How great to have the end finally in sight.

8:49 AM  
Blogger Ruby said...

Tuesday, May 29th!

Your in my prayers.

10:02 AM  

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