Thursday, September 13, 2007

still here

Where to begin? I miss blogging but I cant seem to find the time or to devote my little bit of free time to it. Having three kids is like playing whack-a-mole; two are down, one pops up, three are up, one is down, you get the idea. Somebody is always up. Often all three are “up” and they all want something right now. Its exhausting. I should give up ever having time to myself. This is where hired help comes in. I am all for having as much help as one can afford. My martyr, we shouldn’t spend the money days are over. As a wise girlfriend used to say, “get off the cross, somebody needs the wood.”

I’m writing this while LG (the baby) is screaming. She tends to wake up 40 minutes into a given nap for no apparent reason. My other daughter did this too. Just realized other daughters initials are ME. That is so appropriate. Turns out the sleep sorceress didn’t solve all of our problems and I spend a few weeks OBSESSING over every single nap. Things deteriorated until I finally swaddled her butt up again and then she finally started napping again. That was short-lived. Just as well because many of her days are spent getting in and out of the car as we drop off LA (my 6 year old son). I cant seem to come up with good identifying, short names for these kids for the purpose of the blog. Anyway the other day: get 3 kids out door, two of them, ready for school (clothed, teeth brushed, shoes on, lunches and snacks made, baby ready,) LA too school at 8 (siblings in tow), kill time, ME to school at 9, off to chiropractor to fix my neck which is killing me from side-lying, co-sleeping), home at 10:45, no time for nap in basket, out at 11:15 to get LA, kill time, ME at 1:00, home. This crazy schedule has kept me up many a night trying to figure out how it would work and how LG would sleep in the process. I have long been a believer in proper naps at home, not on my person.

So that what we’ve been up to. Its working out better than I thought it would. Guess i catastrophized so much that the reality of the situation isn’t as bad as I’d imagined. It helps a lot that LG is so darn cute and SWEET. She is not the best napper and likes to wake up on the hour at night sometimes but all things considered the best single word descriptor of her is SWEET. She smiles from ear to ear and coos and squeaks. This time around, on my third baby, I really looked forward to the smiles. The first three months were pretty hellish and I was closer to the edge of a bottomless, hopeless pit of depression than I’ve ever been in my life. It doesn’t matter that I wanted this baby so very much, the reality is that not sleeping makes you crazy, miserable, depressed, hopeless, resentful, you name it.

I’m still not sleeping much. A typical night involves LG down for the night at 7, up at 1 or so (sometimes 2, lately more like 11), then up again at 3 or so and frequently up again at 4 and 5 and 6. She is sleeping right next to me. This is part of the problem. How can she be expected tosleep with her face right next to my bulging breasts? Trouble is if I just sleep and nurse at the same time, I don’t wake up as much as if I had to get her from her basket and put her back (or get RM to do it?) this is where “the truest thing ever said about parenting comes into play.” Listen up: there are actually two very true things. One is: with kids, its either pay now or pay later.” 6 years into parenting, man is that true. The other one is this little gem: “With kids, the days are long, the years are short.”
So very, very true. I digress.

I’m still reading blogs for news of new parents, babies getting ready to be born, and babies being made. I am really enjoying the new parents blogs especially Jennifer and bri. I just don’t seem to be able to do one of my own. Blogging for me was a way to express my angst and fury and terror and have compassionate wise women bear witness and weigh in. I guess I don’t need it anymore but I do miss it. I don’t think I have the energy to write a parenting blog that will be worth my while. I need the angst or the controversy or something interesting.

There are lots of interesting things that happen with three kids and with my own personal journey. Yesterday my three-year-old asked, on her way to preschool, “when we die, will we be back together?” when I asked “will who be back together?” she named herself and her brother and baby sister. Woah.

LA and ME love their sister. Over 3 months into it, they think she’s the greatest. They STORM up the stairs to see her first rolling over, they delight in her doing grabbing her blanket or inadvertently whacking them in the head. They operate on her with their doctor kit, they stamp her with a stamper, they dance and sing for her, they talk to her in saccharine-sweet, high-pitched voices, they fight over who gets to sit closest to her. It’s pretty cute.

Time to get back to it. Robbing peter to pay paul. Day in. Day out.


Blogger Angela said...

It's good to hear from you again. Glad things are going well, if hectic. =)

5:20 PM  
Blogger delphi said...

BB's sleep issues are really similar. the 30 minute nap is a killer. Many of my gf's have assured me that it is something that he will grow out of. I have been using the "get him back to sleep before he knows he is awake" technique (nursing, rocking, walking, bouncing), but that means that I am in his room, holding him until he is asleep. Then I can't put him down. Then he wakes himself up rolling over, if I do get him down. Rinse and repeat (to the tune of an hour and a half). I realized that if his older brother had lived, there would not have been this special treatment. So, no help or ideas from me, just commiseration.

BB also wakes a number of times in the night. This from the baby who used to sleep for 10 hours straight every night. Oy. Time. And some eventual night weaning, I guess.

Anyway, thanks for the update. I wish things were going more smoothly in the sleep department... but surviving it will get you through it. Do what you have to (co-sleeping --- check!).


11:30 AM  
Blogger Lo said...

I like the whack-a-mole analogy. I've long used that description for teaching. ;-)

2:56 PM  
Blogger Ruby said...

It's great to hear (read) from you again! Sounds like that sweet baby is doing great. Minus the sleep. Sorry, I wish I had something helpful to add.

I like the whack-a-mole analogy too.

12:43 PM  
Blogger Natalie said...

I loved it when the older kids played with the baby. I thought it was super cute the way they would fight over who got to be closer. I guess all kids must do that. :)

1:06 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

I'm so glad to hear an update! I understand about writing; when my life is quite boring, I don't feel the urge to write the way I do when I'm in turmoil. But I will be the ultimate hypocrite now, and say that I hope you continue to update from time to time. After following your hellish times, I'd hate to miss out on the happy ones. :)

1:45 PM  
Anonymous katrina said...

Why don't you just grab a Bjorn or some other sort of carrier (sling, pouch, etc) Than maybe you can catch a break and baby can get some rest.

7:44 AM  
Blogger Married Lesbian Mom said...

Hope all is well. Just stopping by to say hello. Miss your posts.

7:41 AM  

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