Friday, January 19, 2007

6 pm came and went

First she said that the results may be ready by 10 am today and I should call at 1 if I haven’t heard from her. Then she said I would certainly hear the results by 6 pm. Now I am getting pissed. I am guessing I’m about to hear some bullshit about why I have to wait until Monday. I don’t want to wait until fucking Monday.

I know it could’ve been much worse and many people have to wait longer but it’s a matter of expectations here. If I had known I’d have to wait until Monday I wouldn’t have started to lose it at 10 am this morning. I don’t have the stamina for it. I would’ve waited until Sunday night.

The delay is really freaking me out. I am imagining a variety of things, mostly that the results were bad and are being double-checked or that the results were SO bad and funky they need to be re-processed or whatever. Maybe there was some sort of problem unrelated to the genetic health of our baby and we’ll just be unlucky that we have to wait after being ASSURED that we’d know by now.

The thing that is fucking with me the most right now is that I am remembering being in the hospital, 22 ½ weeks pregnant with a hideous and mysterious fever. After my first night in the hospital, fancy doc came to tell us that they suspected that the infection might be in my amniotic fluid and if it was then I would have to deliver the baby. They were going to do an amnio and then culture the fluid.

We waited all day to find out if our baby was going to die because it was too early for her to be born. I laid in bed, feeling her frolicking in my maybe toxic belly, and watched to see whose shoes were going to appear under the curtain as the door opened. I think we waited 6 or 7 or maybe 8 hours. In AGONY. Eventually my ex-doctor walked in and all I needed to see was the look on her face. My amniotic fluid was infected with what they thought was e. coli and our perfectly healthy baby was going to have to be delivered so I didn’t die from the infection. It couldn’t be treated with her still in there.

Adding to the irony was that I would be delivering her vaginally even though I normally give birth via c-section because of a uterine surgery I had years ago. Yeah so I was going to have the vaginal delivery I had always longed for but I would have to watch my baby die. Good times.

As I’ve waited all day for the results that I was supposed to get by now, I am wondering what they found. I am imagining that there is something so funky in my amniotic fluid that they are retesting it or calling the Center for Disease Control (just kidding about that second part).

I’m afraid I am going to get information that catches me completely off-guard. So I try to anticipate all possible disastrous outcomes so I am less shocked when one comes to pass. It’s a byproduct of being a hyper-vigilant child which came from living in an unsafe home. This catastrophizing as a means of self-defense and self-preservation doesn’t actually work but try telling that to the very core of my being.

Seriously though this delay is fucking me up. It is giving me the idea that something has gone wrong. I left a message, at 6:20 pm, on the genetic counselor’s cell phone and am hoping to hear back from her, if not with results then with an explanation for the delay.

ARGH.

6 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry. The wait is torturous...The least they could have done (on their own) was call you with an explanation for the delay.

7:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is just not right. I'm so sorry you have to wait. I agree with you and the managing expectations thing. If you had to wait till monday, fine. But you were told TODAY.

It is most likley a lab error along the lines of Someone left work early or dropped the ball in processeing paperwork. They don't need to check and recheck results. They are counting chromosomes, no more or less. 23 oairs? Great. Done. They don't need to have a ton of people recheck.

I know none of this is consoling, and I would be flipping too, but you have been on edge all day, so let me be the voice of reason: This late call has NOTHING to do with abnormal results.

And they better have a good explanation for this.

7:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ugh. What a bunch of suck. Hope you hear soon, and it's good.

7:23 PM  
Anonymous J-Le said...

standing by, waiting for the result with you. let us know when you hear back from the gc.

8:34 PM  
Blogger Plain Jane Mom said...

Oh this is just ridiculous. I really hope you hear soon and that it is all good news. I've never hoped for incompetence before, but today I'm hoping very strongly that all the lab people are very bad at time management. Good luck with the news and the weekend.

8:54 PM  
Blogger three minute palaver said...

I am so sorry this has been such a administrative disaster. YOu should have had your results by now. I am thinking of you and hoping you have had word that everything is ok with the pregnancy and that you've also received a huge appology from your GC.

and your recollections of delivering at 22 weeks are slightly similar to my experience with my stillborn son. I am supposed to only have caesarean sections too but with him, I had to do vag delivery at 25 weeks but he had already been dead for a week or 2. It was awful. So, I understand what you wrote. and my heart breaks for you that you are being put through this anmio sh1t probably unnecessarily. I'm so sorry.

3:49 PM  

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